Opposition in all things...Real versus False Connections

An article from Times magazine notes that genealogy, or exploring your family history, is the second most popular hobby next to gardening. Even more telling, these sites happen to be the second most visited category of websites. The most visited category of websites? Pornography.  While both categories boast  billion-dollar industries, I think the irony is actually very telling.

Think about it. Pornography, in my opinion (and research continues to back this up), is all about creating false connections with pictures – mere objects, activates more areas in the brain as cocaine (and not surprisingly just as addictive), and often results in the loss of the crucial emotional connections between spouses. On the polar opposite, millions of people spend countless hours online, sifting through records at libraries and courthouses, visiting cemeteries, and researching and connecting with their ancestors, finding pictures, and experience the thrill of reading personal accounts of relatives.

The same Times article reports,  “The great irony is that many Americans — particularly those who were several generations removed from the immigrant experience — were trying to find personal meaning in their ancestry long after their heritage ceased to play a meaningful role in their lives”.

Life really is about meaningful connections – and choices. We have choices to invest our time, such as those who are researching their ancestors, or spend our time chasing false connections. However, even most of those chasing false connections online have a desire deep down to have a meaningful emotion connection, but the way of going about it is all backwards.  How, where, and with whom we invest our time is an indicator of our desires for deep personal connection.

Several years ago I listened to a talk by a man who had worked at a bank for nearly two decades. He said that he was able to detect a counterfeit bill by the way that it felt. Wow! How was he able to do that? It was because he had handled the real thing for almost 20 years. He knew what real money felt like in his hands and because he was so familiar and associated himself with the read deal, he could tell almost instantly what was fake

The same thing holds true for relationship connections. Surrounding ourselves with positive people - real connections - we are able to readily recognize the opposite, whether it's an unhealthy relationship with a real person or a virtual counterfeit connection with pornography.

While I have no proof, I get the feeling that the people visiting the genealogy websites are not the same people visiting the pornography sites. Indulging in pornography is like devouring a massive wand of cotton candy. It’s temporarily delicious and exciting, but ultimately leaves you feeling hollow and empty, only momentarily satisfying the much deeper longing to belong, which is only possible through heartfelt human, not virtual, connection. There really is an opposition in all things. As humans we NEED connection with others, but how we go about it makes all the difference.